Entry 2 - April 27, 2023

Sometimes, I forget how young I am in this business. At 25 years old, I am not fresh out of college anymore.Being a director is not something I take lightly. I had my directorial debut my junior year of college, where we were all required to direct a short play. I had prepared painstakingly, and the summer before, I had read probably thirty to forty plays, just to make sure I picked the perfect one. That first directorial process was honestly one of the greatest experiences in my college career.I loved watching my cast make discoveries, and putting together all of the little pieces that make up a show, finding music, creating lists ( if you know me, I LOVE lists,) coordinating with other artists and creatives to make something magical happen - to make my vision happen. It was akin to choreographing and performing original dances to me. I knew this was something I wanted. So I continued - to apply, to study, and to eventually focus my senior independent study on different directorial styles.

Yesterday, I had a rehearsal with my cast for Allison Fradkin’s “Pink Ladies” and I had learned I was actually the youngest in the room. By a minimum of five years. I didn’t feel so intimidated, but it caused me to pause for a moment, because this is one of the first times that I can recall actually being the absolute youngest in a room of professional actors that I was working with. My other show I am preparing for, Fanelli’s “Philosophers at War” all of my cast members were much more experienced than I am, and even the producers were saying how these were some of Buffalo’s Legends. After seeing their auditions, I totally understand why. That's exactly why they were cast. But there was still that moment of hesitation, will they respect my words, my ideas, will they see the amount of love and effort and research that I put into this? As a young female director, I feel as though I often have to prove to myself and to others.

Sometimes, I still feel like a nervous 20 year old figuring out her first show. Other times, I feel like an old hat. I've done this before, at least a dozen times. This is one of the first times that the age gap has felt significant, and with me being the younger, instead of the older. Many of the other casts that I worked with, not only were about direction, but also teaching acting as well. This is not the case, I could give these people more of the freedom to make choices and be natural about it. But I write this as a reminder to myself and to others, that despite my so-called youth, I was still asked to be a part of this opportunity. The work that I have done so far, although not as extensive as that of the people who I have cast in my two shows, someone liked. Yes, experience is important, but so is communication, being at the right place at the right time, and honestly, so is the passion for this work. I like to think that these are the true reasons that I got to be in the position that I am right now.